I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
