You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize