i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
