Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
