Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
