Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
