I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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