That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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