Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
