i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
