don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
