Sry I called you an 8
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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