Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
