i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I understand Curling. That high.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
