My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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