You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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