dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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