bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
