Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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