3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
