I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize