All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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