I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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