I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
