adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize