I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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