Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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