Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
