I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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