wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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