i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
