It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
