Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm always down for nudity.
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