You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Randomize
