New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
