I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
