That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
