i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize