I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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