Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
