God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
