There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
only if we run a train.
done.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
