I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize