problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
