the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
