I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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