i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
