Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
