I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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