My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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