is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
