Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize