I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
