Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
