LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
