I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
