Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
