Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
