At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
