I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
