I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
