does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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