you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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