You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
