Don't make out with my wife yet
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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