Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
