I met the friendliest cop last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How's work?
Spinning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
