What a fucking waste of an outfit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
