I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
