That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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