Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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