Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
