her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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