She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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