What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
