yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
