You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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