i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
