Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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