I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
