Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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