It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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