Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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