wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
