i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I want a musical about memes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
