at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
